Since it has been so long...

Since it has been so long, I am going to celebrate my long-awaited return to the dating-blog scene with a doozy.

This date was not too long ago, either. I think it was maybe two years or so ago. I was still at my student ward, and it was a Monday night. FHE. I had just spotted a new guy (who was nice to look at) and I wanted to get to know him.
Enter the opposition: some other dude who was not the new good-looking guy.
My problem was this: While I was trying to trail after Mr. Yummy, Mr. Not Yummy was trailing after me. I couldn't get near Mr. Yummy at all because of him! I finally got to introduce myself and learn his name and such (No, sorry, Mr. Yummy was not his name) but it was time to leave. So I'm heading to my car and I hear my name called - What?! Mr. Yummy is coming after me?
Bah, I have no such luck. It was Mr. Not Yummy. Asking me on a date.
Well, I believe in giving everyone a chance (and by that I mean almost everyone. I must exclude convicts, 12 year old boys, and loan officers.) so I said sure. It couldn't be that bad.
Well he pulls up to my house in a huge van. Not that I mind, it was just what I remembered. He got me a gift - a Hello Kitty Pez dispenser, which I actually thought was neat. So this was starting off pretty well.
Until we got driving. We were talking about the van and how....he's always wanted to roll it on the freeway. Seriously? So he kept going at it, constantly, past the point of being funny and toward the point where I was actually looking for police cars and judging how quickly they would be to my rescue. "What do you say, we should roll it." Um...heck no? I'd like to live to be able to tell you I don't ever want to drive anywhere with you ever again.
When that conversation -finally- ended we had dinner at an Indian restaurant. It was pretty nice, I was about to let go of the whole "let's roll the van, it will be fun" issue, but then he kept asking me about my past dates and boyfriends and what turns me on and totally delving into my personal life, making it all very uncomfortable and creepy.
After that we went to a small theater that plays indie films, which was a very cool idea. See, this guy did things that I normally am thrilled about - being creative and spontaneous (though I don't count causing an accident on the freeway just for kicks as being spontaneous - that is called being insane). But he himself was just a little not there. He would call out these random phrases as we walked to our movie (Son of Rambow - I totally recommend) like "Items!" and throw his hands on a table of murchandise. He kind of surprised the guys sitting at the table. I know it's rude, but I kept walking as if I didn't know him.
Then, during the movie, he kept suggesting we sit in the back and make out. No. A thousand times, no. That is not something you SUGGEST, unless you have been dating more than, let's see, 3 hours. And I was giving off no invitational signals, there was no mutual spark that should have even inspired a romantic impulse for either of us. No.
So by the time the movie ended, we had been out for a while and I had a baby blessing early the next morning, so I told him I was getting tired and I had to be up early Sunday and that I should probably go home. What does he do? Suggest we walk around downtown. Um, excuse me, what did I just say? No, I do not want to walk around downtown with you. No, I do not want to go to the club with you. No, I do not want to go get something else to eat. I want to go home and go to sleep and end this awkwardness that does not want to die. Thank you for the Hello Kitty Pez. Good night.
He wanted to go out again. I had to tell him I just wasn't interested. We're still cool though. He invites me to tall-bike jousting tournaments...

Which I would totally do, if it meant I could avoid him somehow.