s M*A*S*H ed

Let me tell you about a guy I really liked.
He was a wrestler at my high school, and very scrumptious to the eyes. He asked me on a date to his ward's etiquette dinner or something, so yeah. Kinda awkward. But I've had worse. I got my cousin to go with his best friend, and they were all meeting at my house.
So, first thing: His friend drove them both over in his huge truck with "HUNTER WRESTLING" in big, bold letters across his windshield. I was, at the time, living in Kearns, and as they walked into my house this one (and only) afternoon, they began to be a bit condescending and rude, saying things like, "Yeah, with my truck saying 'Hunter' on it, I was afraid we were gonna get shot at in this neighborhood." Gee, thanks, I do live here, you know. And for the record, I've never been shot at.
Later, at the dinner table, we were all making pleasant conversation, when the subject of M*A*S*H came up. It turned out that I was the only person in our group who wasn't a mash-zombie, and when I made the comment that I wasn't a fan, my date promptly explained to me that I was free to leave. Er, okay...if you'll pull my chair out for me while I get on my merry way.
If you hadn't noticed, I don't like being insulted.
Despite all that I decided to ask him out for a second date, to which he replied, "My mom won't let me date the same girl twice in a row."
If you're telling me the truth, your mom is weird.

Since it has been so long...

Since it has been so long, I am going to celebrate my long-awaited return to the dating-blog scene with a doozy.

This date was not too long ago, either. I think it was maybe two years or so ago. I was still at my student ward, and it was a Monday night. FHE. I had just spotted a new guy (who was nice to look at) and I wanted to get to know him.
Enter the opposition: some other dude who was not the new good-looking guy.
My problem was this: While I was trying to trail after Mr. Yummy, Mr. Not Yummy was trailing after me. I couldn't get near Mr. Yummy at all because of him! I finally got to introduce myself and learn his name and such (No, sorry, Mr. Yummy was not his name) but it was time to leave. So I'm heading to my car and I hear my name called - What?! Mr. Yummy is coming after me?
Bah, I have no such luck. It was Mr. Not Yummy. Asking me on a date.
Well, I believe in giving everyone a chance (and by that I mean almost everyone. I must exclude convicts, 12 year old boys, and loan officers.) so I said sure. It couldn't be that bad.
Well he pulls up to my house in a huge van. Not that I mind, it was just what I remembered. He got me a gift - a Hello Kitty Pez dispenser, which I actually thought was neat. So this was starting off pretty well.
Until we got driving. We were talking about the van and how....he's always wanted to roll it on the freeway. Seriously? So he kept going at it, constantly, past the point of being funny and toward the point where I was actually looking for police cars and judging how quickly they would be to my rescue. "What do you say, we should roll it." Um...heck no? I'd like to live to be able to tell you I don't ever want to drive anywhere with you ever again.
When that conversation -finally- ended we had dinner at an Indian restaurant. It was pretty nice, I was about to let go of the whole "let's roll the van, it will be fun" issue, but then he kept asking me about my past dates and boyfriends and what turns me on and totally delving into my personal life, making it all very uncomfortable and creepy.
After that we went to a small theater that plays indie films, which was a very cool idea. See, this guy did things that I normally am thrilled about - being creative and spontaneous (though I don't count causing an accident on the freeway just for kicks as being spontaneous - that is called being insane). But he himself was just a little not there. He would call out these random phrases as we walked to our movie (Son of Rambow - I totally recommend) like "Items!" and throw his hands on a table of murchandise. He kind of surprised the guys sitting at the table. I know it's rude, but I kept walking as if I didn't know him.
Then, during the movie, he kept suggesting we sit in the back and make out. No. A thousand times, no. That is not something you SUGGEST, unless you have been dating more than, let's see, 3 hours. And I was giving off no invitational signals, there was no mutual spark that should have even inspired a romantic impulse for either of us. No.
So by the time the movie ended, we had been out for a while and I had a baby blessing early the next morning, so I told him I was getting tired and I had to be up early Sunday and that I should probably go home. What does he do? Suggest we walk around downtown. Um, excuse me, what did I just say? No, I do not want to walk around downtown with you. No, I do not want to go to the club with you. No, I do not want to go get something else to eat. I want to go home and go to sleep and end this awkwardness that does not want to die. Thank you for the Hello Kitty Pez. Good night.
He wanted to go out again. I had to tell him I just wasn't interested. We're still cool though. He invites me to tall-bike jousting tournaments...

Which I would totally do, if it meant I could avoid him somehow.

Yippy-Yi-Yo!

My dad fixed me up on a date once. (Go ahead and read that again - my DAD.)
I was pleasantly surprised, seeing as how the guy was absolutely gorgeous. I bought new clothes for this date - that's how excited I was. So you can imagine my surprise when he showed up at my house dressed as a cowboy. Now I don't mean cheesy cowboy, but real cowboy, as in all he was lacking was a hat, a horse and a sunset. I could have fixed my hair looking in his belt buckle.
Now, I'm not saying I dislike cowboys. In fact, they're dang hot. However, I really reeeaaaaally don't like country music. At least I didn't then. It's not so bad now.
But, you may be thinking that that's a dumb reason to not like a guy. Well, you'd be correct. I wanted to like him, I really did. But I had a hard time, and here's why:
The date went fine. We went to a race on a triple date with both our parents. It was on the way home after the date that things went bad like a cow pie on a hot day.
We were talking about nothing in general - stuff we liked, school, our jobs. He asked how I got my job and I mentioned that my uncle was the one who told me about the opening. So what does he do? Start talking about how he hates it when people get their family members hired with their companies and how he'd much rather EARN his job and blah blah blah. Now I reckon that insulting your date is the wrong thing to do, wouldn't you agree? I may have been told about the job opening, but that was all. I went through the application and interview process and I got the job and I am dang good at it. I was irked because he judged me without knowing my circumstances at all. He then went on to talk about the kind of wife he wanted, sounding even more judgmental, which made things even weirder. That combined with blatant insults just wasn't my idea of a guy I wanted to go out with again. In other words, do it right or get off the horse, buckaroo.

Apologies

I know I said I would post every Sunday, but I have gotten myself into a dilemma today by cleaning and rearranging my room, which, as I posted on my facebook account, has probably upset the balance of the universe somehow. I should finish what I started so I can sleep in my bed tonight.

Plus, I recall saying that I was not good at committing myself to anything anyway, so you should have seen this coming.

I'll make this up to you, I promise.

To Bowl Part II

I just realized that I forgot to blog last Sunday. (Oh snap) So here is the exciting conclusion to my last post:

I bowled.
It was so fun.
(What?!)
Yep, fun!

I drove down to American Fork and met him in a big, dark parking lot next to the freeway (yes, it's as creepy as it sounds), then we drove off to reserve our lane for COSMIC BOWLING because it is apparently so amazing and so great that you have to reserve it fast. And hey, it was pretty fun. So we reserved, and then we went to Del Taco for a shake. Yeah, of all the things to get at a Mexican place, we got shakes. Then we went back to the bowling alley (because you can start reserving lanes at 9, but bowling doesn't start until 10 or 10:30) and met his friends that were bowling with us. They were cool too. People kept joining our party until we had 8 people with us, which made it awesome. Then he drove me back to my car and I drove home.

But the thing I want to talk about is how different of a dating experience it was for me...

...because like I said before, I had fun. I don't get that very often. I'm not being rude or dramatic - that's just how it's been. Usually I am striving for decent conversation that goes beyond the one thing you know you have in common (which I absolutely hate and which I will also emphasize in a couple other dates), or am just with someone who gives me such strange and mixed feelings that I can't even think about having a good time; but this was neither. We talked about so much, from camping to past jobs to feeding wild animals from our hands to the nasty stuff we've found in our fast food orders. We had a lot in common, but we didn't dwell on those topics - there was always something else we could talk about. I didn't get any weird vibes and was very comfortable being there.
His friends were way awesome too. Usually I don't like going out with someone who knows a bunch of other people who are going to be there, because then you're left out of the circle a bit and it's nothing but boring and weird for you, right? But nooooo his friends were always talking to me, asking me about myself, making funny comments, etc. and I felt like we were all friends just there hanging out and playing some cosmic bowling, because that's just what we do on our weekends like it's nobody's business.
I still sucked epically - especially since my date and one of his friends were so dang good, but it wasn't an issue. I even bowled in my own particular fashion, as I mentioned before, and everyone else sort of did their own little weird bowling things too, so it was like one big party where I wasn't the only dork. And the peasants rejoiced.

I didn't really learn anything here, except that things aren't always what they seem. I just had a lot of fun and I think I made a great friend (or many friends) out of it.

To Bowl...

I find it incredibly ironic that the week I post about this bowling date, I get asked by a new guy to go bowling.

But wait, it's not just any bowling - it's cosmic bowling!

It will be all right, I think.

I'm actually kind of looking forward to it; I really need to get out. And maybe I can get myself a new pair of socks while I'm at it.

To Bowl or Not To Bowl

That's never a question. I just do not do it. At least not how normal people bowl. So my friend inviting me to bowl on a blind date was a mistake that she should have prepared for and one for which I cannot take entire responsibility.
I don't even remember his name. I feel a little bad, but that's just how un-memorable of a date it was. And I generally tend to block out all bowling experiences anyway.
Now, I feel that I'm overreacting - it was not that bad of a date. It was more embarrassing if anything.
It was a double - blind for me and my date. (Strike 2 - we were at an unfair disadvantage. All right, fine, I'll stop complaining.) I heard we were going bowling and I groaned inside. Maybe audibly...I don't remember.
Ok, before I go on let me tell you about my love, or lack thereof, of bowling. I am terrible at it, and I hate being terrible at things. However, I have discovered a little technique that keeps me from falling dreadfully behind the scoring average. Unfortunately for my teammates, it's very noticeable. I bowl backwards and upside down! I think it's clever and unique, but not everyone else does. Don't get me wrong-I try it the natural way for a while, but I give up on that quickly. I guess it helps my score, just not my dignity.
Anyway, that doesn't really have anything to do with my date; I just wanted to talk about how much I don't like it and what I have to do to entertain myself while doing it.
So, first things first: I wore sandals to the date. I forgot that you have to wear those crazy clown shoes and therefore need socks. So I didn't have socks, and instead of going home to get me some, they had this neat little vending machine at the bowling alley that dispenses socks for just such dorks as me. I thought it was the coolest vending machine ever, though from what I hear, there are vending machines in Japan or Korea or somewhere over there that dispense underwear. That trumps bowling socks by a large amount of coolness. So anyway, my date bought me some of these socks. They were four dollars and had little bowling pins and bowling balls on the cuffs. I really liked them, despite being in a stupid bowling alley for a blind date. Anyway, to make a long story kind of short, we bowled, I probably did a little backwards bowling, (though most likely not a lot, since it was a date and all) and then we went to a park. I don't remember why, but I know I was in a tree. Maybe we were playing hide-and-seek? It sounds like something I would have suggested. After that, we went to my friend's house to play video games, (I like video games a lot more than I like bowling) and then we were done and went home. I don't remember a lot about this date, but what I DO remember is that I was deliberately being unsociable and taciturn. (Warning: I might quote Pride and Prejudice a lot more.) I didn't even give the poor guy a chance because I was so convinced that this was going to be a craptastic fiasco simply because I didn't know the guy and of course because we were going bowling. He didn't make much of an attempt to make conversation with me either, but that could have easily been overcome had I made some sort of effort to make it more of an enjoyable experience.
Just because we don't think things are going to go well and we won't see this date ever again anyway doesn't mean that we can't try and make it fun. That's what dates are supposed to be: fun. We never know if things will work out or not, and deciding beforehand is the worst mistake we could make. I haven't been on many blind dates since then, but after that I've always tried to at least create an acquaintance with my boys (as they shall hereafter be known as).

P.S. I think those socks finally died out only a couple years ago.